Tell me

Tell me why you love me and tell me why I should believe you.
Tell me with a breathe and tell me with out hesitation.
Tell me all the things that you love and all the things you’ll learn to love.
Tell me when you fell for me and when you knew you couldn’t live without me.
Tell me all my flaws that you’ve managed to love when no one else has.
Tell me the mistakes that I’ve made that have made you love me more.
Tell me how many times you’ve said you loved me and how many times I’ve said it back.
Tell me the secrets that you’ve found out but have loved me in spite of.
Tell me when I fell in love with you and when I knew I couldn’t live without you.
Tell me me more than just the words and that is when I’ll know it to be true.

Scream

I stand here, yelling and screaming.
My face flushed with anger and hate.
I scream “I fucking hate you!” as tears run down my face.
I can’t stand to look at you but I can’t ever leave you.
I scream “You’re always ruining my life! You ruin everything!”
All you do is look at me with no words of your own.
I want to punch, kick, slap and beat you.
I want to tear myself away from you and all that you are.
Your lies, your deceit, your fears, your self-loathing, your torment and your judgement, all of it.
They all come with heavy prices that I have to pay and I have paid in blood.
I scream at you “I wish you would just fucking die!”
And you still have nothing to say.
I want to see that there’s feeling in your eyes and not just a cold and wmotionaless stare.
I want you to acknowledge that I exist and that what I want and feel matters.
I turn back to you once more and scream “Please just stop! Just stop being who you are and just fucking try! For me! For us!”
But you will never change.
You will never stop being you.
You will never stop doing the things you do.
I will never stop hating you.
I will never be free of you.
I reach out to you and you reach back.
Our hands touch, separated by the cool thin glass.
I hold my head down and whisper one more time “I hate you” as I turn away from the mirror and turn off the lights.

Distance

We have been taught that distance is simply a way to measure the space between two things.
A space that can circumference the globe or a space that is as tiny as the tip of a needle.
But how can you measure the distance between two hearts that crave to be near one another?
There is no distance that can be measured when the hearts grow hungry for the one it desires.
Whether it’s in the room next to you, the state on the other side of the continent or a heart that is no longer among us, the distance is agonizing and painful.
The physical distance isn’t what makes us hurt or long.
It’s not the fact that we can’t see them or touch them when we want.
The pain is a piece of us dwindling away because we don’t feel whole.
A pain because we know where we belong and where they need to be.
Whether it’s a job, a vacation, an unforeseen circumstance or the mere fact that maybe they are unaware of our affection, it doesn’t lessen the anguish.
Distance isn’t just the measure of how far apart you are from someone, it’s the measure of how far you’ll go to be with them.

Reach

If I could reach out and grab your hand now, I don’t know if I could ever let go.
If I could reach you with my words, I’m not sure if I’d have the words to say what I couldn’t then.
If I could reach out and touch your heart, I’d try and mend the wounds that I caused.
If I could I could just reach you, I swear I wouldn’t leave again.

Thank You

How can I begin to thank you when all I did was hurt you.
My words found a home in your heart and my actions scarred the same heart as well.
You came to me like a drunken vision of what love was supposed to be.
You kissed the bruises and mended the tears that covered my soul.
You held my hand and when I pulled away you held on tighter.
I tried to warn you and tell you I was no good.
But you smiled and said that I was a bad boy but a good man.
You accepted my faults and made me see that I had more to give than just my words.
You made me see that I had lost a part of myself and through your eyes I could find it.
I fought like a boxer in the final round of his career.
I fought so hard to not be the me I always am but the me that you deserve.
I tried so many times to tell you what I knew you shouldn’t hear.
My words were muted by my actions and all you asked was for me to talk to you.
“Talk to me” echoes like the screeching sound of tires.
Maybe if I had found the words then those words would have stopped my actions.
Because no matter how I tried to be what you need I always remained what you could live without.
All that’s left are faded memories.
Shadows of what could have been and ashes of what was.
My words weren’t enough and my actions were too much.
I can’t begin to thank you for what you did because I’m too busy being sorry for what I did.

Appreciate

It is in those times that I am not with you that I appreciate you the most.
It’s when a smile escapes my lips that I appreciate how the corners of my mouth turn up uncontrollably when I see you.
It’s when the world has turned off its lights that I appreciate the spark that your touch gives off.
And when I’m cold and alone is when I appreciate the warmth of your kiss and the comfort of your words.
It’s when others fail to understand what I mean that I appreciate your patience and your understanding.
And it is when I can’t find anything to love about myself that I truly appreciate what you see and love in me.
I appreciate you more when you’re not around but if I appreciated you while you were near maybe you would never leave my side.

Just Whisper My Name

Sitting here awhile.
Thinking of your smile.
Missing your touch.
Missing you so much.
Wanting to be near.
Wanting you my dear.
Just whisper my name.
You know I’ll do the same
Needing to be yours.
Needing you more and more.
Having you in my heart.
Having you never part.
Longing for your kiss.
Longing for all I miss.
Just whisper my name.
You know I’ll do the same.
Come back to me fast.
Come back and make it last.
Lets make love one more time.
Lets make love till words don’t rhyme.
Our bodies need to be one.
Our love will never be done.
Just whisper my name.
You know I’ll do the same.