Simpler

Up until her I was well aware that I used the word love as a way to avoid being alone.

The idea of being alone was more frightening than the idea of loving someone.

It was simpler for me to follow the motions of being in love than to be single.

I said what needed to be heard and did what needed to be seen as to be believed.

Not once did I think of consequence, feelings, or repercussions that my actions had.

I knowingly never put any thought into anyone else in the situation besides myself.

Some think it cruel, some heartless, but I thought of it as self-preservation.

The tasks involved with loving someone far outweighed the reward, is how I felt.

But the false gestures were easy to convey as to ensure I would not have to be alone.

I had lived my life in this exact way for as long as I could remember, until her.

I had convinced myself that love would leave me weak and vulnerable.

That love was far too difficult of an emotion to control or to maintain.

But my ideals on love changed in what seemed to be mere minutes.

Every second I was near her and every word that she spoke, affected me dearly.

She was different, and for the first time with anyone, I meant it when I said it.

The acts of love began, but this time, there were sentiments behind each one.

Love was no longer a chore to be accomplished in order to not be alone.

Instead it became a force that propelled me to do more so that I could feel more.

I no longer cared if I would be alone, but cared if I loved her enough to keep her.

Love was as hard as I had imagined, but the rewards were greater than I had hoped.

She taught me love was not a way to overcome loneliness, but a gift to enjoy life.

A gift I had blindly overlooked for many years, years that I had wasted in vain.

I could only hope to make up for it all by loving her the way she deserves.

Struggle

 

Each morning that he awakes, he struggles to begin the day.

He clutches on to the tranquil solitude of his bed for as long as he can.

He is faced, each day, with a task that seemingly has no end in sight.

Every day he searches for an answer to a question he has never asked.

A question that is as obscure and as faint as a dream or memory.

Yet he continuously struggles to seek the answer to this question.

Every moment, every action, every emotion is defined by this question.

Because of this, he had no definition as to who he was as a man.

He searched for the answers in the warmth of the body of strangers.

He struggled to find the answer at the bottom of countless bottles.

And still he could never find the answer or clarity to the question.

The question soon became his life and entangled his every ounce.

He struggles more now than ever to answer this question that plagues him.

He hopes the answer will set him free and finally give him peace.

He has struggled so fiercely that he cannot see the question is so clear.

He has fought so hard that he has failed to see the question was he.

The question and answer have always remained the same.

He has struggled so hard to make sense of something so simple.

His quest became an obsession and the obsession blinded his search.

He felt alone and defeated by the question that plagued him.

His struggle was so great that he failed to see that everyone around him

Searched for the same question and answer as he did.