Simpler

Up until her I was well aware that I used the word love as a way to avoid being alone.

The idea of being alone was more frightening than the idea of loving someone.

It was simpler for me to follow the motions of being in love than to be single.

I said what needed to be heard and did what needed to be seen as to be believed.

Not once did I think of consequence, feelings, or repercussions that my actions had.

I knowingly never put any thought into anyone else in the situation besides myself.

Some think it cruel, some heartless, but I thought of it as self-preservation.

The tasks involved with loving someone far outweighed the reward, is how I felt.

But the false gestures were easy to convey as to ensure I would not have to be alone.

I had lived my life in this exact way for as long as I could remember, until her.

I had convinced myself that love would leave me weak and vulnerable.

That love was far too difficult of an emotion to control or to maintain.

But my ideals on love changed in what seemed to be mere minutes.

Every second I was near her and every word that she spoke, affected me dearly.

She was different, and for the first time with anyone, I meant it when I said it.

The acts of love began, but this time, there were sentiments behind each one.

Love was no longer a chore to be accomplished in order to not be alone.

Instead it became a force that propelled me to do more so that I could feel more.

I no longer cared if I would be alone, but cared if I loved her enough to keep her.

Love was as hard as I had imagined, but the rewards were greater than I had hoped.

She taught me love was not a way to overcome loneliness, but a gift to enjoy life.

A gift I had blindly overlooked for many years, years that I had wasted in vain.

I could only hope to make up for it all by loving her the way she deserves.