Condition

I’ve shed a tear for each one that I’ve hurt.
Maybe not an actual tear shed from my eye but a tear from my heart that left with a piece of my soul.
But she was different.
No tear could represent what she meant to me.
No amount of what’s left of my soul could come close to the measure of her essence.
She was the last chance I had at being the man she knew I could be.
And I, of course, managed to love her the only way I know how.
Sadly, the only way I know how to love is to love conditionally.
Conditions that I cannot control.
Conditions that I know not where they came from.
Conditions that I don’t understand.
She in turn loved me whole heartedly, devotedly and unconditionally.
In the end, my conditional love tainted her heart.
I cannot blame anyone but myself and have no one to fault for my own condition.

Don’t Hurt Me

Your body collapses on to mine.
Weak, out of breathe, and used.
I can feel your heart pounding against your breast.
You fight hard to catch your breathe.
I can feel the weight of your body on mine.
You are so light and delicate and insignificant.
You blindly put your hand to my mouth and put your fingers to my lips.
Between your breathes you say “I love the way you fuck me.”
I lay there kissing the tips of your fingers.
You look up slightly and replace your fingers with your lips.
I can taste the bitter saltiness of our sweat.
You look into my eyes, then at my lips, then back at my eyes again and say “You already had my body but now you have my heart. Don’t hurt me.”
I look back at you and reply “I already have. You just haven’t felt it yet.”