Distance

We have been taught that distance is simply a way to measure the space between two things.
A space that can circumference the globe or a space that is as tiny as the tip of a needle.
But how can you measure the distance between two hearts that crave to be near one another?
There is no distance that can be measured when the hearts grow hungry for the one it desires.
Whether it’s in the room next to you, the state on the other side of the continent or a heart that is no longer among us, the distance is agonizing and painful.
The physical distance isn’t what makes us hurt or long.
It’s not the fact that we can’t see them or touch them when we want.
The pain is a piece of us dwindling away because we don’t feel whole.
A pain because we know where we belong and where they need to be.
Whether it’s a job, a vacation, an unforeseen circumstance or the mere fact that maybe they are unaware of our affection, it doesn’t lessen the anguish.
Distance isn’t just the measure of how far apart you are from someone, it’s the measure of how far you’ll go to be with them.

Condition

I’ve shed a tear for each one that I’ve hurt.
Maybe not an actual tear shed from my eye but a tear from my heart that left with a piece of my soul.
But she was different.
No tear could represent what she meant to me.
No amount of what’s left of my soul could come close to the measure of her essence.
She was the last chance I had at being the man she knew I could be.
And I, of course, managed to love her the only way I know how.
Sadly, the only way I know how to love is to love conditionally.
Conditions that I cannot control.
Conditions that I know not where they came from.
Conditions that I don’t understand.
She in turn loved me whole heartedly, devotedly and unconditionally.
In the end, my conditional love tainted her heart.
I cannot blame anyone but myself and have no one to fault for my own condition.

She Cries

How Can You Truly Love….

How can you love someone that you truly do not know?

I ask you this because the love you have for me is bewildering.

You say you love me and I first doubted the words you would speak.

I had heard those words spoken by others but with no sentiments attached.

You continued to say them to me in spite of my affliction towards them and you.

I fought so hard to not let your words penetrate my heart and my soul.

I fought so hard to not believe or feel the tenderness in your actions.

How could you love me when you didn’t know me?

You had no idea as to the child I was or the man I had become.

You were clueless as to the dire childhood I had endured.

You were blind to the callus man that I had evolved into.

I desperately tried to ward off your attempts at knowing who I was.

I did this for the sake of you and for the sake of sparrng you.

It is a fool’s errand to attempt to love one uncapable of being loved.

Uncapable of returning the love that one so pure can afford.

But you continued to tell me both night and day.

And when your words were not enough, your actions spoke louder.

You reached into my chest and held my heart in your hands.

You spoke into my ear and let your voice reverberate in my brain.

You pulled me close and let your essence soak into my skin.

You did what you could to prove your love was real.

But still I ask how can you love someone you do not truly know?

Maybe it is I who does not truly know myself.

Maybe you have seen me for the man I hoped I could be.

The man I feared I could never achieve being.

A man capable of love and of being loved.

But how can I love you if I do not know myself?

How can I love love you if I cant love who I am?

You are far more deserving than to have this weight to bare.

You are what love would be if it took form on earth.

How can I love you if I truly do not know who I am?

I can only hope to know who I am by seeing myself through your eyes.

Through your eyes I will find the man I want to be and the one you need.

The man you love will be the man I will become.

Thank you for loving the man I never knew and the one you’ve grown to know.