Tired

I’m tired.
I’m tired of always being let down because I expect more than I should.
I’m tired of people not living up to my expectations.
I’m tired of always trying to convince people that they are better than they are.
I’m tired of being everyone’s excuse for misbehaving.
I’m tired of the bullshit that people makeup when the truth scares them.
I’m tired of making connections that are as strong as tissue.
I’m tired of making plans that no one holds to.
I’m tired of meeting people who disappear after a couple of weeks.
I’m tired of people using me to do what they really want to do.
I’m tired of having to be something I’m not just to make the smile.
I’m just tired.

Happy

It’s been so long that I honestly can’t remember the last time I was happy.
I can’t say that I even remember what it feels like anymore.
I just remember that being happy was what I was supposed to be.
There were no worries or disappointments.
I didn’t know heartache or sorrow, let alone could I spell them.
It seems like a dream when I think back to a time that I was happy.
A dream that seems to fade with each waking minute.
And no matter how hard I try to grasp this dream and hold onto it, it just slips through my fingers like sand.
I want to remember what it was like to be that happy boy.
I want more than anything to smile and mean it.
I wish I knew what I had to do to get back to that place.
But it seems like that place is miles away and every step I take towards it, I’m pushed back two steps.
It’s not much to ask and it’s not much to want.
Maybe I’m being greedy in wanting to be happy.
Maybe I’m just not meant to be.
But all know is that I want to be happy once more.