Happy

It’s been so long that I honestly can’t remember the last time I was happy.
I can’t say that I even remember what it feels like anymore.
I just remember that being happy was what I was supposed to be.
There were no worries or disappointments.
I didn’t know heartache or sorrow, let alone could I spell them.
It seems like a dream when I think back to a time that I was happy.
A dream that seems to fade with each waking minute.
And no matter how hard I try to grasp this dream and hold onto it, it just slips through my fingers like sand.
I want to remember what it was like to be that happy boy.
I want more than anything to smile and mean it.
I wish I knew what I had to do to get back to that place.
But it seems like that place is miles away and every step I take towards it, I’m pushed back two steps.
It’s not much to ask and it’s not much to want.
Maybe I’m being greedy in wanting to be happy.
Maybe I’m just not meant to be.
But all know is that I want to be happy once more.

This Side

Every one of us is born with two very distinct sides.

Each side is as different as day and night.

One side basks in the warmth of the light.

The other cowers in the frigidness of the dark.

There is one side that knows what the simplicity of joy is.

A side that feels the comfort and cordiality of a smile.

A side that knows fulfillment in what we have achieved.

A side that feels the passion of our lover’s touch.

A side that knows the delight of being with family.

This side of us knows the rewards of love and life.

We can flourish to be the person that we endeavor to be.

A kind and gentle person that lives a life endowed with fulfillment.

A person who obtains goals and makes dreams reality.

But there is another side to the person we are or can be.

There is a side that feverishly lashes out from fear.

A side of us that is madly bitter with jealousy and anger.

A side that is scarred from the tyrannies of self-loathing.

A side marred by hate, resentment, and solitude.

It is this side that makes the soul heavy and the body weak.

It is this side of our nature that causes us sorrow and anguish.

The side that holds on to vengeance and greed.

And the side that torments those who attempt to love us.

A heart full of self-pity would never have room for love.

It is within each one of us to be the person we choose to be.

Every one of us has both sides to choose from and to guide who we will be.

The side that we allow to win is the side that we choose to embrace.

The side that we hold near and nurture and the side that we feed.

Want

It is in all of our nature’s to constantly want.

To want what others have and want what we possibly could never have.

It is this want that serves as both motivation and as hindrance.

We strive to obstain and when we do, we are never really satisfied.

In love and in life, it remains a constant.

A sense of fleeting satisfaction and contement but it simply is temporay.

A false sense of security wraps us like a towel and makes us feel secure.

But all the time we continue to search for something more.

Something better than what we had, have, and what we know we deserve.

We will never be happy but we try to convince ourselves otherwise.