Scream

I stand here, yelling and screaming.
My face flushed with anger and hate.
I scream “I fucking hate you!” as tears run down my face.
I can’t stand to look at you but I can’t ever leave you.
I scream “You’re always ruining my life! You ruin everything!”
All you do is look at me with no words of your own.
I want to punch, kick, slap and beat you.
I want to tear myself away from you and all that you are.
Your lies, your deceit, your fears, your self-loathing, your torment and your judgement, all of it.
They all come with heavy prices that I have to pay and I have paid in blood.
I scream at you “I wish you would just fucking die!”
And you still have nothing to say.
I want to see that there’s feeling in your eyes and not just a cold and wmotionaless stare.
I want you to acknowledge that I exist and that what I want and feel matters.
I turn back to you once more and scream “Please just stop! Just stop being who you are and just fucking try! For me! For us!”
But you will never change.
You will never stop being you.
You will never stop doing the things you do.
I will never stop hating you.
I will never be free of you.
I reach out to you and you reach back.
Our hands touch, separated by the cool thin glass.
I hold my head down and whisper one more time “I hate you” as I turn away from the mirror and turn off the lights.