Won’t stop

I find myself losing ground in this battle I call my life.
I feel like I lose 10 steps for every 3 I take.
It seems nothing I do will last or make a difference.
My hands bloodied from clawing away and trying to make headway.
My thighs on fire from pushing forward with the weight of regret and remorse heavy on my shoulders.
I feel beaten and tired and I just want to give up and at times I do.
At times I just throw in the towel and look for the nearest exit.
I check out and let myself go towards a place I’ll be free.
I just give up but something brings me back.
It’s not her and it’s not you and it’s definitely not life but something more.
It’s not love and it’s not ego or greed.
I wish it were those things because then it would make sense.
But it doesn’t make sense at all.
I just keep on as if I need to and as if I know no other way.
I push harder and fight longer and suffer more.
All for what?
I still have no idea but I’ll keep on and I’ll keep going until I reach the end or figure the reason as to why I won’t stop.

Paths

As much as I love you and as much as I would want to, I can never walk your path for you.
But these things I can assure you.
When the path becomes dark and obscure and you’re not sure of your way, I will be there to shine a light.
When it’s cold and you are seemingly alone, I will be there to comfort and warm you.
When your path seems long and arduous, I will be there to help push you along.
When your path leads to a fork and you can no longer see which way to go, I will hold your hand and help guide you.
And when your path feels as if it has defeated you, I will be there to carry you to the end.
I cannot walk your path but I will always be by your side to help you make the journey.

A Chance at Misery

I can never know what tomorrow brings or if I’ll be here to enjoy it.
All I know is that tomorrow is a dream to me and all that a dream is are goals you cannot reach.
I try so hard to be the man that I want to be.
But I do so in vain because I know this will never come to pass.
It’s a curse really.
Wanting to be something you will never be.
A curse because no matter how hard you try, it ends in misery.
Misery because I failed.
Misery because I lost.
I lost the battle for my soul and for my humanity.
I lost this fight a long time ago but every so often I try to make believe I still have a chance.
A chance at an ordinary existence.
A chance at love.
A chance at hope.
At chance at life.
But the reality of it all is that I was not meant to love.
I was not made to hope.
And I was made to not live a full life.
I was made to hurt.
I was made to bleed.
And I was made to suffer.
And suffer I will from now until my dying day.

Defined

The agonies of life are the poignant moments in which we define who we are.

These moments are cast upon us as fierce and devastating trials of life.

Each one feeling as a disaster or storm we must whether to prove who we are.

Each moment is different from the last but none the less agonizing than the next.

They bring with them a barrage of feelings and emotions created to test us.

The flames of tribulation crackle as they lick at your heels, scorching our souls.

The winds of distress howl as they riddle your mind with doubt and regret.

And the seas of torment drown your heart with sadness and remorse.

We will be defined by our actions and reactions to all that is hurled in our way.

The measure of who we are and who we’ll become will be the weight of our character.

The calm, trivial, and joyful moments are the ones in which we compose ourselves.

They serve as a brief respite to the harsh and relentless agonies brought on by life.

We sit and lick our wounds in bewilderment as to what we have just endured.

And then with the scars etched upon our skin and hearts we await the next storm.