The Storm

It is not the storm that we fear.
It is the aftermath of what remains.
The devastation and carnage left behind.
The worst of storms are the ones that no one else ever sees.
The ones that happen in our hearts and in our minds.
The ones that seem to last an eternity.
Ripping away at our confidence and tearing apart our hopes and dreams.
Leaving behind just a shadow of who we were.
Caused by love, fear, doubt, or hate.
These storms manage to wreck the foundation of what we believe.
But as with any storm, what is left behind is in the eye of the individual.
We can look around and see the debris of our lives scattered about.
We can fall to our knees and clutch the pieces to out chest and weep.
Or we can look up to a sky no longer filled with darkness and despair.
We can look to a sky of clarity and promise.
Those who will suffer through more storms in fear will be the ones who weep and those who defy the next storm and take the relentless beating with a smile are the ones who will turn to the sky.

Spring

The cold breathe of winter is beginning to fade.
The crisp cold air is starting to warm and the flowers are beginning to bud.
Spring arrives with a hope of bloom and a start to yet another new beginning.
As the snow melts, it will run off, taking with it the regrets of the season.
We basque in the essence of spring and have faith that perhaps this time things will be different.
We will admire the beauty, dance in the serenity, bathe in the tranquility and linger in the moments.

Moments gone

Yet another one has proven that perhaps there is no such thing as Mr. Right.
It all began as a fairy tail and somehow ended with a messy fight.
It’s 2:00 a.m. and you find yourself crying and needing a friend.
Always finding yourself in this situation time and time again.
Lust and misconceived notions of what love could be left you blind.
The truth of what he was and what he wanted twisted your mind.
The answers you always search for at times like this are closer than you know.
You just have to shut your thoughts down and let your spirit flow.
Life has a way to bring you what you need at moments like this.
It comes out of nowhere, swoops into your life, and leaves your soul with a kiss.
Just trust what you know to be true and to be real.
Trust in yourself always and trust what you want to feel.
There is never an ending to times of despair.
There’s only beginnings of memories that are meant for you to share.
Don’t waste your tears because each drop shed is a regret you had.
Don’t think twice and question decisions made whether they were good or bad.
Look forward to where you want to be and where you know you will go.
Stop looking behind you and stop moving so slow.
Life won’t wait forever for you to catch on.
Chase after the moments before its too late and they are gone.

A Chance at Misery

I can never know what tomorrow brings or if I’ll be here to enjoy it.
All I know is that tomorrow is a dream to me and all that a dream is are goals you cannot reach.
I try so hard to be the man that I want to be.
But I do so in vain because I know this will never come to pass.
It’s a curse really.
Wanting to be something you will never be.
A curse because no matter how hard you try, it ends in misery.
Misery because I failed.
Misery because I lost.
I lost the battle for my soul and for my humanity.
I lost this fight a long time ago but every so often I try to make believe I still have a chance.
A chance at an ordinary existence.
A chance at love.
A chance at hope.
At chance at life.
But the reality of it all is that I was not meant to love.
I was not made to hope.
And I was made to not live a full life.
I was made to hurt.
I was made to bleed.
And I was made to suffer.
And suffer I will from now until my dying day.

How Can You Truly Love….

How can you love someone that you truly do not know?

I ask you this because the love you have for me is bewildering.

You say you love me and I first doubted the words you would speak.

I had heard those words spoken by others but with no sentiments attached.

You continued to say them to me in spite of my affliction towards them and you.

I fought so hard to not let your words penetrate my heart and my soul.

I fought so hard to not believe or feel the tenderness in your actions.

How could you love me when you didn’t know me?

You had no idea as to the child I was or the man I had become.

You were clueless as to the dire childhood I had endured.

You were blind to the callus man that I had evolved into.

I desperately tried to ward off your attempts at knowing who I was.

I did this for the sake of you and for the sake of sparrng you.

It is a fool’s errand to attempt to love one uncapable of being loved.

Uncapable of returning the love that one so pure can afford.

But you continued to tell me both night and day.

And when your words were not enough, your actions spoke louder.

You reached into my chest and held my heart in your hands.

You spoke into my ear and let your voice reverberate in my brain.

You pulled me close and let your essence soak into my skin.

You did what you could to prove your love was real.

But still I ask how can you love someone you do not truly know?

Maybe it is I who does not truly know myself.

Maybe you have seen me for the man I hoped I could be.

The man I feared I could never achieve being.

A man capable of love and of being loved.

But how can I love you if I do not know myself?

How can I love love you if I cant love who I am?

You are far more deserving than to have this weight to bare.

You are what love would be if it took form on earth.

How can I love you if I truly do not know who I am?

I can only hope to know who I am by seeing myself through your eyes.

Through your eyes I will find the man I want to be and the one you need.

The man you love will be the man I will become.

Thank you for loving the man I never knew and the one you’ve grown to know.

This Side

Every one of us is born with two very distinct sides.

Each side is as different as day and night.

One side basks in the warmth of the light.

The other cowers in the frigidness of the dark.

There is one side that knows what the simplicity of joy is.

A side that feels the comfort and cordiality of a smile.

A side that knows fulfillment in what we have achieved.

A side that feels the passion of our lover’s touch.

A side that knows the delight of being with family.

This side of us knows the rewards of love and life.

We can flourish to be the person that we endeavor to be.

A kind and gentle person that lives a life endowed with fulfillment.

A person who obtains goals and makes dreams reality.

But there is another side to the person we are or can be.

There is a side that feverishly lashes out from fear.

A side of us that is madly bitter with jealousy and anger.

A side that is scarred from the tyrannies of self-loathing.

A side marred by hate, resentment, and solitude.

It is this side that makes the soul heavy and the body weak.

It is this side of our nature that causes us sorrow and anguish.

The side that holds on to vengeance and greed.

And the side that torments those who attempt to love us.

A heart full of self-pity would never have room for love.

It is within each one of us to be the person we choose to be.

Every one of us has both sides to choose from and to guide who we will be.

The side that we allow to win is the side that we choose to embrace.

The side that we hold near and nurture and the side that we feed.

Another Year

Another 365 days have passed through my grasp like water between my fingers.
I feel as if nothing was accomplished and yet so much has begun.
Procrastination and over indulgence were yet again my enemies.
But once more, I myself was my own worse enemy.
No one can be a harsher critic than I.
No one has more excuses to why I failed than I.
No one can make sense of what goes on in my mind better than I.
No one seems to understand me as well as I.
And no one can possibly dislike me more than I.
A year of gluttony, lust, greed, pride, indulgence, and jealousy.
With the anger that followed each.
A year of waste.
A year of want.
A year of pain.
And a year lost.
And now I dawn the falsity of pretense in hopes that this year may be different.
But how can I expect this year to be different when I myself will remain the same.

Into the Sea

She stood on the sandy shore, digging her toes into the sand and gazing out over the glimmering water.

It was that point in the day where the sun hadn’t quite begun to set and the moon was peaking over her right shoulder.

The rays of sun trickled down onto the water and seemed to dance melodically along the surface for her.

The tide had begun to come in and the waves started to lick at her feet.

As she looked down, the corners of her mouth raised into an innocent and childlike smile.

She closed her eyes and was whisked away to a memory of a jovial time long ago.

It was a memory of a time when the world made sense to her, and a time when her heart was at peace.

She opened her eyes and started to walk into the water with a controlled eagerness.

She resisted the urge to run and jump head first into the crashing, white, foaming waves.

With each step, she went deeper into the sea and with each step the world behind her began to fade.

She held her hands out to the side and felt the glassy surface of the water along her hands and fingertips.

It was a sensation that was soothing and inviting to her.

She kept walking into the water until it had reached her chest.

She looked toward the vast openness and could see the sun begin to disappear behind the horizon.

She closed her eyes once more and with a deep breath, she gave herself to the ocean.

As soon as the water enveloped her, she could feel all her worries and sorrows drift away.

There were no more issues, no more judgments, no more disappointments, and no more fears.

A quite serenity took a hold of her like a child wrapped tightly in a warm blanket.

She waited right below the surface until the very last second that she could no longer hold her breath.

She broke the surface and took a heavy gasp of air and began to laugh as she wiped some water from her face.

She stayed there, wading in the water for what seemed to be hours.

She never grew tired and she never looked back toward the shore.

When the sun had completely set, she turned back toward the shore and began to swim inland.

With each stroke, she felt the water caress the lines of her body and she felt at one with it.

She could no longer tell where she ended and the water began, they were simply one.

Her feet felt the sandy bottom of the shore and she reluctantly made her way back to where she had stood earlier.

She stood there as the ocean breeze dried the beads of water on her bare skin.

As each drop disappeared, so did her feeling of content and tranquility.

As the last of the water dripped off of her and as the sun began to complete set, she felt a sadness come over her.

She knew the sadness would once again fade, but she knew she had to wait until she was once again one with the water.