Scream

I stand here, yelling and screaming.
My face flushed with anger and hate.
I scream “I fucking hate you!” as tears run down my face.
I can’t stand to look at you but I can’t ever leave you.
I scream “You’re always ruining my life! You ruin everything!”
All you do is look at me with no words of your own.
I want to punch, kick, slap and beat you.
I want to tear myself away from you and all that you are.
Your lies, your deceit, your fears, your self-loathing, your torment and your judgement, all of it.
They all come with heavy prices that I have to pay and I have paid in blood.
I scream at you “I wish you would just fucking die!”
And you still have nothing to say.
I want to see that there’s feeling in your eyes and not just a cold and wmotionaless stare.
I want you to acknowledge that I exist and that what I want and feel matters.
I turn back to you once more and scream “Please just stop! Just stop being who you are and just fucking try! For me! For us!”
But you will never change.
You will never stop being you.
You will never stop doing the things you do.
I will never stop hating you.
I will never be free of you.
I reach out to you and you reach back.
Our hands touch, separated by the cool thin glass.
I hold my head down and whisper one more time “I hate you” as I turn away from the mirror and turn off the lights.

Bound

Here I stay incapable of moving, incapable of leaving.
Incapable of having my own thoughts and incapable of feeling what you won’t allow allow me to feel.
I am bound to you through chains forged from denial and self-benevolence.
Bound to you through ties spun of insecurity and cowardice.
Bound to you with committed acts contrived of iniquities and malice.
I cannot break free and I cannot say with all honesty that I want to be free.
I know not what life has for me now that I’ve dedicated what life I had to you.
I’ve separated my needs and wants from that of your desires.
I’ve poured myself willingly into your glass to drink from and have asked nothing in return.
I am bound to the silence in which my voice of regret echoes.
I am bound to this existence because it is here where I have purpose.
I am bound to misery for she is my only company and I am bound to suffer for it is the price of your love.