Temporary

It’s strange to think how temporary life is.

All that we are today will someday cease to exist.

Everything that we have and posses will simply vanish overtime and all of it will be forgotten.

We are merely ripples in time that will fade as they travel further away from the day we were born.

We can’t cheat time and have eternal do-overs and we can’t ever go back.

What we do today defines us for that moment and those moments are what we have.

If the next breathe is our last then we should use it to say what we feel.

We will all be forgotten eventually but for now we are alive and we have the chance to make our moments count.

We can choose to be temporary or we can choose to exist in a one my that maybe the greatest moment of our lives.

To live

Do you remember a time when things made a little more sense, when things didn’t seem so quite upside down?
A time when black was black and white was white and love meant love.
When a smile from a stranger made your day and the world around you just moved a little bit slower.
Now it seems as we live in a world of indifference and a society of carbon copies.
A place where a “good morning” or a “hi there” is greeted with a scowl from someone on their phone or a blank look of unfamiliarity.
The world moves too fast now and this escalator of life just keeps taking us along and there’s no real place to step off.
Sometimes I just want to look over the edge and then look a little more until the heels of my feet are raised slightly and at that moment there’s a choice to make.
To live, to truly live is that choice.
To revel in life and the passions of every moment is to feel.

Lost and Confused

Lost and confused, she wanders her soul.

She searches for answers to questions she’s never asked.

Answers that come with a price she isn’t willing to pay.

Lost and confused, she wanders her fears.

She searches for the girl she once was.

Afraid she’ll find her and afraid she’ll disappoint her.

Lost and confused, she wanders her dreams.

She searches for hope but she only finds despair.

There’s only darkness and cold where she once found comfort and warmth.

Lost and confused, she wanders alone.

Alone in her pain and alone her trials.

Alone is all she knows and alone is what she will be.

Just let go

It’s an emptiness that we can never seem to fill.
An emptiness that no one should ever feel but it’s something that we, at some point, must go through.
A loss, a breakup, a mistake, a regret…
Something that we just can’t shake.
Like that feeling of plummeting with your feet firmly planted or the feeling when you’re not moving and yet you’re going a hundred miles an hour.
Up is down and down is sideways and you just can’t make sense of any of it.
We hate that feeling and but at the end of it all it’s what makes us feel more alive.
Regret, remorse, sorrow, pain and despair will always keep us company.
Just let it all go. Forgive yourself if you can. Forget what it never was. And remember that everything in life is temporary. 

Defeat

There is no feeling harder to bear than that feeling of defeat.
It has so many forms that it isn’t until it has laid rest on our shoulders that we know it is there.
The feeling of knowing that we were beaten and bloodied and left to lick our wounds.
A sense of devastation as our dreams are shattered and scattered like broken panes of glass across the higher ground of mediocracy.
We wake up one day with emotional bruises that remind us of a fight we had no right to be in.
We have mental scars that are left behind because doubt wouldn’t let them heel properly.
It is our own ego and our own pride that allows us to be defeated.
It is in the falsity of what we believe we are and who we think we’ve become where defeat lies in wait.
When we have lost touch in what we can do and start to believe the lies that we feed the masses in hopes to gain their adoration is when defeat strikes.
Hold strong to the person you were meant to be and the qualities that your worst critics despise most.
Hold strong to the emotions that drive your passion and that inspire your creativity because they are your strength.
Do not lay your hopes and dreams on the branches of self doubt and insecurity but plant them next to the sturdiest of roots.
Defeat is something you cannot escape but what defines you is how long you allow yourself to be defeated and wounded before you pick up the pieces and create a better version of who you are.

Teardrop

He sheds a tear for every memory he made with her.
With every tear that falls, he hopes the memory will fall with it.
A tear for the first time he laid eye on her.
A tear for the first time he said he loved her.
A tear for every night she spent in his arms.
He sheds a tear for the first time she lied to him.
A tear for the first night he stayed up waiting for her.
A tear for the cologne on her dress.
A tear for the scratches on her thighs.
And tears for the lies he told himself to excuse it all.
He sat there and shed these tears until he felt the memories had all gone.
And then he she one more for the parts of his heart he had lost.

Condition

I’ve shed a tear for each one that I’ve hurt.
Maybe not an actual tear shed from my eye but a tear from my heart that left with a piece of my soul.
But she was different.
No tear could represent what she meant to me.
No amount of what’s left of my soul could come close to the measure of her essence.
She was the last chance I had at being the man she knew I could be.
And I, of course, managed to love her the only way I know how.
Sadly, the only way I know how to love is to love conditionally.
Conditions that I cannot control.
Conditions that I know not where they came from.
Conditions that I don’t understand.
She in turn loved me whole heartedly, devotedly and unconditionally.
In the end, my conditional love tainted her heart.
I cannot blame anyone but myself and have no one to fault for my own condition.

A Little Longer

There is no such thing as permanent or forever in life.
Everything and everyone are only temporary stops in our journey to death.
Sometimes we are fortunate enough to get off for awhile and stay a little longer at one of these stops.
We’re able to feel a little longer, smile a little longer, and perhaps love a little longer.
But we are also able to resent a little longer, suffer a little longer, and cry a little longer.
We have to remember that it’s all just temporary.
We have to remember to not get attached to something that will not remain.
Nothing is promised to anyone forever because it doesn’t exist.
Being able to accept that this life we have is just a journey to the inevitable is the first step in letting go and finally living life.

Another Year

Another 365 days have passed through my grasp like water between my fingers.
I feel as if nothing was accomplished and yet so much has begun.
Procrastination and over indulgence were yet again my enemies.
But once more, I myself was my own worse enemy.
No one can be a harsher critic than I.
No one has more excuses to why I failed than I.
No one can make sense of what goes on in my mind better than I.
No one seems to understand me as well as I.
And no one can possibly dislike me more than I.
A year of gluttony, lust, greed, pride, indulgence, and jealousy.
With the anger that followed each.
A year of waste.
A year of want.
A year of pain.
And a year lost.
And now I dawn the falsity of pretense in hopes that this year may be different.
But how can I expect this year to be different when I myself will remain the same.

The End

The realization is that the end is always closer than what we want.
There’s never enough time to do what we want.
Never enough words to say how we feel.
Never enough minutes in the day.
In the end, what we are is how we lived out lives.
We aren’t memories, because memories fade.
We are the actions we choose to carry out.
It’s these actions that will echo after we are gone.

Waiting for the Night

I dreamt of you again last night.

This time more vivid than the nights before.

I swear I could feel the suppleness of your skin against my own.

The warmth of your kiss against my lips.

And I swear I could even smell your perfume.

It was a dream I never wanted to wake from.

It was the most at ease I had felt in a long time.

But I did awake and when I did you were gone.

So now I pray for night so we may be together once again.

Salvation

 

Up until now I had no real reason to wake and to face the days,

 

No real reason to alter my life’s course or to contemplate any of my ways.

 

Each night spent in the solitary sentiments created by my own doubt,

 

Struggling with difficulty to achieve peace but yet losing every bout.

 

No remorse or regrets for all of the wrongs and all of the lies,

 

Simply a heart devoid of feelings and a life covered in darkness by grey skies.

 

All my hopes and all my wants had slipped between the cracks of sorrow,

 

But then came you, with your kind and confident views of tomorrow.

 

You managed to lift my head above the seas created by hurt and spite,

 

Becoming the comforting warmth in my winter and in my darkness, the light.

 

You held me tight and close and shed away my uncertainty and fears,

 

You whispered in my ear your words of comfort and put an end to my tears.

 

You continued to believe in me when I myself had lost all notions,

 

And you made me able to once again confide with your love and devotion.

 

For all that you have done, I can never repay or fully show my appreciation,

 

I can only say these words and show that I am thankful for you, the key to my salvation.