Choices

There are moments in our days where we make choices that define who we are, who we were and who we will become.
Choices that echo into the world voices of are character and our worth.
They are choices that set ripples into our surroundings that can either settle or or turn into waves.
These moments come when we expect them to and they come when we need them but perhaps not when we want them.
Moments are all we have in life.
In the moments is where life occurs.
There are choices we will make that are wrong, right or indifferent.
It’s what we take from our choices that will ultimately define the person we are and the life that we will live.

Should Have

As always, I sit here after the fact and think of what I should have done differently.
I think about what I should have said and what I should have done to keep you here with me.
This time is different.
This time thing things I should have done and the chances I had are all gone.
This time you won’t come back and I know this and it kills me.
This time no flowers with a card that reads “I’m sorry, please forgive me” will do.
Because what I should have done was bought you flowers before you left.
I should have bought you a flower shop or your own garden so you could see my love grow like the flowers that would bloom.
I should have stopped you from walking out the door.
I should should have thrown myself in front of that door and shown you that I’d stop the tides and time itself to be with you.
I let you walk away so easily that night.
I should have held on to you like I was holding on to my last breath because that’s what it feels like now.
I shouldn’t have given up so easily and taken you for granted.
I should have fought the fight of my life and gone 10 rounds with the devil himself for you, but the bell rang and I threw in the towel.
I didn’t speak the words that you yearned to hear that would have kept you by my side.
I should have memorized the dictionary to find the perfect words to tell you all that you mean to me and to write the love letters you deserved to read.
I shouldn’t have let my pride or my ego make me too proud to beg or to say I was sorry.
I should have thrown myself at your knees like a child or a man with nothing left to lose because I lost everything I had and everything that I am when you left.
I can sit here and tell you all that I should have done but you’re gone and all I have left are some fading memories, an empty bottle, and a list of things I should have done.

She Cries

What is Love?

Love is as rare as a rainbow or a four leaf clover.
It’s sometimes as mythical as a unicorn or the Tooth Fairy.
It is something that eludes as at points in our lives like the name to a forgotten song or it flees from us like water between our fingertips.
Some feel it from the moment they are born until the last bit of life escapes their lips.
But some seek it relentlessly in every corner of their world and search in the darkest of hearts to find it.
It has no real form that you can feel or hold and you can never know when it enters your life.
It was made to heal, to endure time, to be shared and to be adorned.
But love was never meant to be forced, contained, or even understood.
It is blind to the coldness of ones heart and it does not judge the indiscretions of ones past.
Instead it warms the most frigid of doubters and sheds light onto a path paved with kindness and serenity.
When it comes to us we all react in our own different way.
Some welcome it like a long lost friend coming home and knocking on the door.
Others fight it because they know they are truly undeserving.
Love is a gift that is passed on with the most sincerest of intentions and it is something that no one should turn from.
When love is beckoning for you, do not turn it away, do not neglect the one who offers it, and do not ask why they give it.
Return the love the best you can and be certain that they are aware of how much you feel.
Love will remain and echo through the hearts of those until the last person who speaks of you draws their last breathe, but your actions while you stand are what people shall feel.
Love freely, love feverishly, and love frequently.

Those Different Days

There was a time in my life when I was different.
Maybe it was the world that was different or maybe I just perceived it a different way.
But none the less, it was different.
There were subtleties in the beauty of things.
Colors seemed to be more vivid and the sun was a brighter shade of warm.
The sounds in the streets seemed to echo melodically and the lights danced in the night sky.
But the people were different as well.
Creativity ran across canvass and paper like raindrops across glass.
The kindness that laid in gestures was more apparent and honesty flowed with less obstacles.
But things have changed or maybe I did.
Maybe I forgot to adapt or maybe I ended up adapting to well.
I find myself forgetting words that would easily come to me or not catching the beauty in a woman’s smile.
I find that I care a little less and distrust a little more.
I want to see the things and feel them the way I once did.
The way I did with the ignorance of innocence.
I miss those times and I miss what they meant and what they stood for.
But with days that pass, I feel I miss them less and what they meant and what they stood for slips away from us all.

I Want to Change

I’m not sure when the time will come when I actually believe myself when I say “I want to change.”
The truth is that it is not only easier to be who we already are, it’s also much more fun than being who we want to be.
People will find the excuses that will help them sleep at night being who they are.
I’m no different.
As much as I repulse and resent myself at times because of my actions, it’s easier living with the feeling of regret and remorse than it is to invest my time into being someone that I may like more but won’t have as much fun.

A Little Longer

There is no such thing as permanent or forever in life.
Everything and everyone are only temporary stops in our journey to death.
Sometimes we are fortunate enough to get off for awhile and stay a little longer at one of these stops.
We’re able to feel a little longer, smile a little longer, and perhaps love a little longer.
But we are also able to resent a little longer, suffer a little longer, and cry a little longer.
We have to remember that it’s all just temporary.
We have to remember to not get attached to something that will not remain.
Nothing is promised to anyone forever because it doesn’t exist.
Being able to accept that this life we have is just a journey to the inevitable is the first step in letting go and finally living life.

Anything but Ourselves

In life, we find it easier to be what we are not.

Admitting what we really are is not always easy.

You have to admit that you have faults.

Admit that you have fears.

And admit that you have failed.

When we pretend to be anything other than what we are,

we are able to hide all our cracks and blemishes.

Hide our insecurities.

Hide our heartbreak’s.

Hide our pain.

Life allows us to be whatever we deem fit for the moment.

Anything we want to be, besides ourselves.

 

Reminded

Every once in awhile I’m reminded as to who I am.

I’m reminded of who I was and who I’ve become.

I’m reminded of the dreams I once had.

The dreams that never came true, and the ones ripped away and the holes they left behind.